Whether it will be your first time, it’s been a while, or you’re already active, you need to know these things.
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin or being abstinent
Your body, your choice. No pressure. If he pressures you, he doesn’t deserve your ride to paradise.
There are more women who regret losing their virginity than they want to admit.
It is because often men put their pleasure first. They reach their peak first, leaving women feeling unsatisfied and sometimes confused, as they might wonder, “that was sex?” This lack of understanding can create a significant gap in the intimate experience, where many women may not realize that their own climax is equally important and should not be overlooked. I lost my virginity at 18 and regretted it for that reason, as my experience was more about fulfilling someone else’s desires rather than exploring my own. Sexuality should be a shared journey, one that fosters mutual satisfaction and connection.
Get tested. Both of you.
Millions of HIV and STD tests are conducted every year, and in 2024 alone, nearly 39,000 people were newly diagnosed with HIV in the US. That number is not going down because people are being careless about it.
Ask yourself: have you and your partner actually gotten tested before engaging in sex? This isn’t a mood killer. It’s the baseline.
Men don’t get tested. Not nearly as often as they should.
Really, when was the last time a man asked you to get tested before sex? Yeah. I’ll wait.
Most men don’t have the foresight to think past the moment, and safe sex isn’t a priority for them the way it is for women. Half of them don’t even prioritize going to the doctor. So why would you trust him to prioritize your sexual health?
Get tested yourself. Ask him for his results. If he can’t produce them or gets defensive about the question, that tells you everything.
You deserve to finish as much as he finishes. No excuses.
If he doesn’t get you off, he’s giving drone energy: a male honey bee that mates, takes what he wants, and moves on to serve himself. That’s not what you signed up for.
If he isn’t putting in the work, you make him finish the job. He should be determined to get you off, not just himself.
Touch yourself first. Know what you like.
This should be a prerequisite, especially if you’ve never had sex before. You cannot expect someone else to know your body if you don’t know it yourself. Learn what feels good on your own time, so you can actually guide him when it counts.
If he’s not good at sex, tell him.
Don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t fake it. Faking it teaches him nothing, and he’ll walk away thinking he did just fine. He shouldn’t get to neglect your pleasure. Speak up, be direct, and let him know exactly what needs to change.
Birth control is non negotiable if you’re not trying to have kids
You have options: pills, IUD, implant, high dose, low dose, condoms, Plan B. Find what works for your body and stick with it.
He should also always have condoms on hand. And even if you’re already on birth control, it is completely okay to still ask him to wear one. Your comfort, your call.
Know your worth. Know your body. Don’t let anyone rush either.
