Previously, I wrote about attending my uncle’s wedding, and now I’m going to share how it went.
It was short, sweet, and beautiful.
The wedding took place in Guntersville, Alabama, at City Harbor. Being born and raised in Alabama, it’s amazing how you can know most of the state but somehow still miss its hidden gems.
City Harbor in Guntersville was beautiful. Great lakes, a semi island surrounded by gorgeous buildings and homes. It reminded me of a Hallmark small town where a city girl like myself meets a country Southern guy and they fall into all their predictable, cheesy romantic shit.
But I wasn’t there to find love.
I was there to witness love and celebrate the union between my uncle and my beautiful new aunt.
I arrived early in the morning with my furbaby, Bond, to meet my mother and grandmother at the City Harbor Suites. When I walked into the hotel room, I was immediately impressed by how spacious it was. There was an open lake view, a full kitchen, two bedrooms, a bathroom, an open living room, and a dining area.
The suite was so spacious that even Bond enjoyed it.
I rested for a few hours because I was on my period and feeling tired, disgusting, and bleh. After settling my baby in, I went straight for a nap.
Once I woke up, I took a walk around City Harbor to explore. It wasn’t huge, but it was enough. There were a few restaurants, shopping spaces, and even a candy store that happily gave my dog a pup cup, which of course, my dog did not want.
Bond doesn’t like pup cups.
He doesn’t like cream or anything sweet at all. When he was a puppy, he loved pup cups, but now that he’s a grown ass dog, he wants absolutely nothing to do with them.
Honestly, it’s relatable. There are so many things I loved consuming as a child that I can’t stand now.
Once I returned to the hotel room, I got dressed for the wedding, which started at 2 p.m.
I did not wear the hippie Renaissance robes I showed in my last blog post. Instead, I wore a green and black floral mesh dress that I bought from Fashion Nova, and I looked good as hell, especially for an outdoor wedding.
The wedding itself was beautiful. There’s something special about watching two people make the decision to choose each other publicly and intentionally. I was happy to be there to witness that moment for my uncle.
After the wedding, though, I found myself thinking about something completely different:
Is marriage really for me?
I used to think marriage was the goal. I thought it was one of the best things a girl was supposed to want. Growing up, marriage was presented as this natural progression: meet a man, fall in love, get married, have a family, build a home, and live happily ever after.
But the older I get, the more I see the reality of marriage.
Wives can end up carrying an enormous amount of invisible labor when it comes to managing a household. I’ve seen it through friends, family, and peers. Sometimes the marriage is technically between two people, but the responsibilities somehow become the woman’s.
I remember my great aunt saying that after two husbands, she refuses to get married again just to take care of another man.
And honestly?
I understood exactly what she meant.
Decentering men doesn’t mean you stop desiring love or hoping that someday you meet someone. It simply means you stop making men the center of your life.
There’s a difference between wanting a man and wanting a partner.
While I don’t want children, I do desire marriage. But I want to approach it differently.
I don’t want to marry simply because I’m in love.
I want to marry because I choose that person as my partner.
To me, marriage should feel like both a romantic relationship and a business partnership. Not in the cold, transactional sense, but in the sense that we are two whole people bringing our own lives, resources, goals, stability, and strengths together.
He has his life secured. I have mine secured. Then we merge our lives because we genuinely make each other better.
I want a man who understands true acts of service. Someone independent. Someone secure in himself. Someone emotionally intelligent, proactive, responsible, and capable of building a foundation, not someone looking for a woman to become his personal manager, mother, therapist, maid, or life coordinator.
I want partnership.
Gender roles should be toned down to a minimum. I don’t want to automatically inherit responsibilities simply because I’m the woman. I want us to figure out what works for us.
Almost like a business merger, but with love, intimacy, friendship, attraction, and a genuine desire to build a life together.
Maybe that sounds unrealistic.
Maybe it is.
I’m hopeful that I’ll eventually meet a man who meets those standards, but I also know it would probably take a miracle.
And honestly, I’m okay with that.
I would rather wait for a partnership that actually makes sense than rush into a marriage just because society says it’s the next thing I’m supposed to do.
Anyway…
What do you think about marriage?
