Let me start with the basics. I am a woman. Born a woman. And by biology, that means I came equipped with ovaries and reproductive eggs, patiently waiting for a single sperm to show up after what is, let’s be honest, often a two-minute main sex event. Nine months of pregnancy. Then a baby. And then people look at you like you’re supposed to be grateful for all of it.
So I have one question that nobody seems to want to answer honestly: why are people actually having children?
Because I’ll tell you it is rarely as noble as it sounds. Strip away the Instagram announcements and the gender reveals and what you’re usually left with is ego, social pressure, or a stunning lack of self-awareness. Let me break it down for you.
The Real Reasons People Have Kids (And No, It’s Not Always Love)
People will give you all kinds of answers when you ask them why they wanted children. But press a little harder and you’ll find something a lot more honest underneath.
- “I want to create a legacy.” A legacy. What kind of legacy, exactly? Unless you are writing a symphony or curing a disease, a child is not your monument — they are a whole separate person who did not consent to carrying your name into the future.
- “Having a baby will make me grow up.” A baby cannot fix you. That is not their job. Therapy exists. Responsibility is something you build — not something a newborn hands you on the way out.
- “I’ll finally have someone who loves me unconditionally.” What if they don’t? Children are not emotional insurance policies. They grow into full human beings with their own feelings — and those feelings may not always be what you had planned.
- “A baby will keep my man.” If he doesn’t want to stay, a baby will not change that. It will only complicate the exit. A child is not a trap, and using one as such is a setup for a broken home.
- “I want to get her pregnant so she can’t leave.” This is not a relationship strategy. This is control. It produces broken homes and broken people. Don’t.
- “We have to be fruitful and multiply.” The Old Testament was written when the global population was a fraction of what it is now. We are not running low on humans. The planet, however, is a different conversation.
- “Everyone I know is having kids.” And if everyone you knew jumped off a cliff? You would not base a permanent, life-altering decision on what your social circle is doing at brunch.
- “My kids will take care of me when I’m old.” That is entirely up to them. Your adult child is allowed to have their own life. A retirement plan is not a person.
And For Those Who Genuinely Just Want to Be a Parent…
There is nothing wrong with genuinely wanting to be a mother or a father. That desire is real, and it matters. But that desire, however sincere does not erase the risks. And the risks are serious, especially for women.
- You could die in childbirth. It still happens more than people want to acknowledge.
- Your body may be permanently changed in ways you did not anticipate and did not choose.
- The child may not be born healthy. Chronic illness, disabilities, or conditions that reshape your entire life, that is a possibility you carry from the moment of conception.
- You cannot control who they become. No matter how you raise them.
That last one deserves its own paragraph, because people love to believe that good parenting always produces good people. And it often does but not always. Some of history’s most notorious criminals, serial killers, and people who caused enormous harm came from perfectly ordinary homes. Good parents. Normal childhoods. If you believe every bad person was raised badly, you have not done your research.
Now Let’s Talk About the Money, Honey
You will spend thousands before the baby even arrives. Then there’s the birth itself. Then daycare. Food. Clothing. Healthcare. Your everyday bills climb because you now have another growing human being living under your roof, eating your food, and running up your utilities.
And before you exhale when they turn 18? There is a real possibility that the grown adult child you raised goes absolutely nowhere. Not out of the house, nowhere. The financial and emotional investment does not stop at graduation. It does not stop when they move back in. And for some people, it never stops at all.
So Why Don’t I Have Children?
Simple. I am selfish — and I am completely at peace with that. I do not want the responsibility of raising another human being. I know myself well enough to say so out loud, without apology, without a long explanation, and without waiting for your approval.
The end.